As I'm sitting here on my back porch I'm absolutely amazed at the blessings God has bestowed on my life. I came back from Swaziland with a completely different mindset and I wasn't sure how to make it work with the mindset I have here. Well I'm finding out I can't have both mindsets. But according to one of the verses I prayed over this trip before I left (Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.") I shouldn't have the same mindset. My mind has truly been transformed by the incredible experience that God gave me to enjoy. My heart still hurts when I think of my family and friends from Bulembu because I truly ache to be with them again, but I know that God will give me the desires of my heart if I seek Him with my whole heart. I received an email yesterday from one of my wonderful friends in Bulembu, Mzwa. The minute I saw his name at the top of the email I burst into tears. Now I have to say, I'm not a crier. I'm really not. But leaving these people brought me back to the single most heartbreaking moment of my life - leaving my brothers when I moved from CA to MA. I'll never forget that moment just like I'll never forget saying goodbye to my family in Bulembu. But back to the email. The tears I shed were half sad and half happy. I was sad that I couldn't just see Mzwa in person but I was so happy he took the time to find a computer and send me the cutest email I've every received. This is what it said:
"Hi Dear! Nothing much forced me 2 draft this short missive 2 you, I just want 2 tell that you have a special place in my Heart & my mind where favorite memories & wishes 4 your happiness are tucked away. I will always remember you. I MISS YOU A LOT!!!!"
It's probably one of the simplest messages I've ever received, but it held a barrage of emotions in it's few words. One thing I learned there was that more words does not equal more meaning or more emotion. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say a few words and just leave the rest to God. I'm a talkative person, but I am learning how to hold my tongue in certain situations. This is one way in which my mindset has changed.
Another way in which my mindset has changed is in relation to money. The one and almost only stressor in my life is money. I'm always worried about it because usually I'm lacking it. This whole trip was a gift from God and one of the ways He showed me He wanted me to go was providing all of the funds for my trip. For those of you who gave funds to me and members of my team - thank you! You have no idea the stress you removed and the peace you gave. When I was there, I didn't have to worry about money. I converted about $200 to Rand which ended up being about R 1200. We didn't go anywhere until the end (except the bakery - that story is for a different time!) and money was not a part of my daily life like it is here. I knew coming back that I needed a car by August and probably a new laptop. Those are still very real things that are immediate necessities (let me know if you know anyone that could help with either!). When I got back from Swazi, I had no plan for the summer and heck, I still don't. But God has provided in some amazing ways. I came back to housesitting and a full-time work week in Admissions at Gordon. Then I started doing yardwork and babysitting for an amazing Christian family. God has provided me with some funds and amazing people to help me in my walk as I readjust here. I can't express to you the peace I feel. It's the moments I take things into my own hands or think that I can do everything that I fall apart and start hyperventilating. I keep reminding myself that God knows my anxieties about money and He also knows what I need and He will provide. I stand in His promises. I don't have the answers, but I have Him and He is giving me wonderful people and opportunities. I got to see my roommate and catch up with her. She's great and is more of a blessing than she knows in my life. =) One of my absolute best friends, Jordan, is coming up this weekend and I couldn't be more excited to see him!! And next week (depending on jury duty), I get to see two more amazing friends, Colleen and Elise, that know me so incredibly well. God knows I need people right now. I went from being surrounded by my team and Swazis to being pretty much alone (besides my mom and Bekah who have both been incredible and much needed). One song that I will never forget from my time in Bulembu is "It is well". They sang it and everything changed for me. Just try and say those words and imagine the pasts that those people have had. They make all of us look rich and entitled and when they sing that song because they mean the words and draw from their own experiences. So right now, sitting on my back porch, I say it is well with my soul. Whatever God has planned for my life - it is well with my soul.
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
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