Looking at my drafts of blog posts, there are about 10 that are unfinished. My life has been so incredibly hectic lately that I have not had any time to breathe much less sit and write a blog entry. Tonight, I'm taking that time. More for me than anyone or anything else. If I don't write, all of the millions of thoughts I think stay in my head and I find myself running in circles. (Anyone else like this??) When I write, whether it be on here or in my journal, my thoughts are able to somehow organize themselves and come out onto paper or a computer screen. So here are the thoughts that I could not contain in my head for any longer.
I love my job. I'm exhausted by my job. I feel as though those two facts will be intertwined for quite some time, if not the rest of my life. My students challenge me daily. But seeing growth in any area of their lives is worth every early morning and every long night spent cutting out game pieces and writing lesson plans. Children are truly incredible. And the things that these kids experience take my breath away. I have children who have the mindset that they are bad or horrible. It absolutely breaks my heart. I do my absolute best to build them up and give them confidence and the right behaviors and attitudes to exude. As I like to say, the academics are about 50% of a teacher's job. We teach them social skills as well as how to be a functioning member of society. We teach them things that their parents should be teaching them, such as confidence and personal responsibility. In my classroom, the majority of my students would be what are called "behavior" students. To me that usually means there's more going on than meets the eye. Now that I've had quite a while to get to know them, I see their insecurities and their fears and I can relate. Several of them can't start their day until they give me a quick side hug and a "Good morning, Ms. Burke!" The relationship between a teacher and student is so incredibly important. And each one is unique and individual. Beautiful. I have those students that push the limits, but I don't love them any less. As my principal says, the best thing we can give these kids is an education because that gives them an opportunity of a future. And hey, I never have a shortage of good stories! =)
As you may have noticed, if you have read more than one of my entries, everything relates back to my time in Swaziland. I have pictures in my classroom and my students know about my time there and how much I love it. If you know me at all, you know that I'm definitely not a morning person. I function better at night. Getting out of bed is quite the chore each morning. The thing that has made it just a little bit easier is the fact that I get to see every single sunrise now while I drive to work. When I was in Swazi, I was up for 99% of the sunrises. It was amazing to be able to see such a glorious work of art each morning. It puts me in such a happy place of memories and hopes for a new day that most days start off beautifully. It's just one more reminder from God that He knows me. He knows what I love and it's become just another blessing on my life. He is blessing me exponentially right now.
Sometimes I find it hard to balance all of the my blessings because some of them come in unique and tough packages. I asked for Him to provide for me financially. He does so by giving me 3 jobs. A full time, teaching job; weekends at Victoria's Secret; and babysitting two or so nights a week. While this makes for a very busy Kristen, it allows me to save more money than I would otherwise. He's also given me little blessings within these jobs such as fantastic people to work with at VS and a family I describe as handpicked by God to babysit for.
I forget how well He knows me all the time. I try and hide my true feelings and emotions from even Him (dumb, I know). He's done quite the work in me over the last few years though and is putting people in my life that are challenging me and helping me grow and I am so incredibly grateful for them. There's a song by Hillsong that has resonated with me lately. It's called My Heart is Overwhelmed. It's a beautiful explanation of how I've been thinking and feeling lately. Challenged, but so loved and blessed by the One who loves the deepest. How can I not feel that way? "I'm found in grace and love's embrace. My heart is overwhelmed."
I pray that your heart feels overwhelmed by God's grace. It is so easy to forget in our world. So easy to stay too busy and simply forget how thankful we should be for every breath we take. Be blessed. Bless others.
