Good morning world!

I thought I would start this post out with a picture as you can tell. This is what I woke up to every morning in Swaziland. I actually woke up to pinks, purples, oranges and reds, but by the time I got ready, gave out the morning wake-up call, and got outside to take a picture, it looked like this. For the wake-up call to my room of the wonderful Chelsea and Ashleigh, I would open the shade to my window and say quietly to myself, "Good morning Africa!"

This was the window that was right next to my bed. (By the way, this was an accidental picture, but I really like it! =)) That tree that you see through the window should look familiar because it's the same tree from the first picture. Anyway, it was a wonderful way to start my morning at 6ish every day. Now I've never been that early of a riser, but I absolutely loved the schedule we were on when we were there. We would go to bed anywhere between 8:30pm-10:30pm every night and would be up for a 6:35am team meeting/devos. I saw the sun rise every single morning starting with the morning we flew into South Africa. I can't even express how beautiful and eye-opening that was. Most mornings, I would end up waking up about 6, but one morning I couldn't sleep past 5:15. I finally rolled out of bed about 5:30 and got ready for the day and went out to the common room to journal and read the Bible. Observe below the common room:

So after I headed out there, I opened the shade and watched the most beautiful sunrise. God then led me to read Psalm 63:1, "O God, You are my God. Early I will seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for you in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water."

I then wrote this:

"God, You are amazing. Words cannot express everything You've done in my life. This morning has been refreshing. I've loved waking up early and watching an absolutely beautiful sunrise. Thank you for waking me up this morning to spend time with You and watch it. God, I long for you. I long to seek You always. You are what my heart desires. Lord, let me keep my eyes solely on You always. You have my life in Your hands - do with it what you please. God, I wish others could see and experience this place. Your presence is so tangible and Your people are so in love with You. Help me to be on fire for You like the people here when I go back home. Help me to exude Your love to others. At this point, my mind can't wrap around the fact that I'm leaving in 2 weeks. This went far too quickly..." 

I did not get a chance to finish this post in the craziness of everything, but I think you get the gist of where my mind was at this morning. Now, you might be asking yourself, what prompted me to say anything remotely like this and what does this have to do with anything? Well, be patient! I'm getting there! ;)
The first 3 days after I returned from Swaziland, I could not sleep past 6am. Actually, the first day I was back, I was wide-eyed and bushy-tailed at 4:30am. I had gone for a run, uploaded pictures, written in my journal, eaten a nice breakfast, and taken a shower all before 6:35am. It was crazy, but I know that God got me up that early to ease back into life here. Well, since then I've been getting up anytime between 6:45am and 11:15am. Quite the range, I know. Lately it's been on the later side. This morning, God had different plans. I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday and I had to wake myself up about every 3-4 hours last night to take my meds for swelling and pain. I had a 4 hour chunk of time that I was really excited to be able to sleep from 2am-6am. But, like I said, God had other plans. I woke up wide awake at 5:30am. I didn't know why until I realized that He just wanted to spend some time with me. I went on a short walk and sat down to get my thoughts out. But before I did any of that I walked to the window and looked out at the barely risen sun as it shined through the trees behind my house. I kept thinking over in my mind, "This is normally when I would have said "Good morning Africa!"" It made me sad for a minute, but then I realized that Africa had their sunrise over 6 hours ago and that I don't need to say good morning to Africa only. So, instead of letting it get me down, I said, "Good morning world!" I figured I covered all of my bases with that one. God doesn't just work in Africa. He doesn't only love Africa. He is everywhere in the world and no matter where I am, that place deserves a good morning greeting. Needless to say, I have a new perspective on sunrises and waking up early since being back from my beloved Africa. When I wake up early now, I know there's usually a reason and that I need to listen to what God is telling me. Somehow, I'm more attentive to Him in the mornings when I see the beauty He's created in the magnificent colors of a sunrise.

"I see Your face in every sunrise. The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes. The world awakens in the light of the day. I look up to the sky and say - You're beautiful."

-Phil Wickham - You're Beautiful

You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham

Thank you, magnificent Creator for giving me a wonderful gift this morning and every morning. You are truly beautiful and Your creation reflects that beauty. <3

The moon!

Today I went to the planetarium with my mom. I've been wanting to go for some time, but I just haven't had the opportunity or means to do so. Since I was little, I've been fascinated by the stars and the idea of a universe with no end. If I wasn't going to be a teacher (and if I was actually good at science), I totally would've been an astronaut. I've wanted to be one for as long as I can remember. Anyway, we went to the planetarium and learned about the new exoplanets (planets that orbit stars outside our solar system) and how they're looking for ones that could possibly support life. It was an amazing show, but my mind couldn't help but keep thinking about the 2 second piece of video of the moon from the beginning. Now when I say that the stars and moon were breathtaking in Swazi, I totally and completely mean it. They were magnificent to say the least. They were bright and sparkly and big and beautiful! I've never seen anything more magnificent in my lifetime. Members of my team would lay out on the front lawn some nights and just look up at the stars, talk about life, and count tons of shooting stars. It put your life in perspective when you stop and look up at how vast our universe is. God knows what each star is yet He takes the time to count each hair on my head (and that's not easy because mine don't like to stay in my head sometimes). He knows me intimately as well as knowing everyone else intimately. It was a wonderful reminder.

On top of the beautiful stars, the moon was just as, if not more, magnificent. When we got there, there was no moon and we used our flashlights to get to dinner every night. We got used to that routine of grabbing flashlights before we left the house for the first two weeks or so. Matt, my co-leader, kept telling me that soon we wouldn't need the flashlights, but that seemed simply absurd. Well, he was right! Soon after we saw the moon slowly rise and fill to an incredibly huge full moon and sure enough, we didn't need our flashlights. The moon perfectly lit our pathway to and from the lodge where we ate. It was like God was giving us a streetlight in a town that only has one. It was absolutely amazing and it gave me a new appreciation for the mysterious night sky. The one song that keeps replaying in my head the last few days is "How Great is Our God" by Chris Tomlin. Ask yourself that question...How great is God in your life? It's already outlined pretty clearly in the Bible and in people's lives that He's pretty stinkin' great! But how great is He in your own personal life? Are you allowing Him to light your path through life or are you trying to use your own flashlight to guide your way? Think about it! God completely changed the way I thought about life, faith, relationships, and Him even, through my incredible trip to Africa, but it doesn't take something that radical to have your perspective changed. If you want Him to change it, He'll be more than happy to, you just have to ask and be open and willing. God is great in my life. Actually, He's the greatest thing in my life and I'm working to make sure that I remember that.


P.S. I miss my Swazi family today. And every day. But I miss sitting with them in church with Timmy or Siboniso on my lap and/or holding my hands constantly. I miss the outpouring of love that flowed so easily there. Dear house #6, I hope that you are sleeping in sweet, sweet peace tonight knowing that I love you and, more importantly, God loves you.

The Beach

So today I went to the beach with a dear friend of mine from Gordon and while I was laying there listening to the sound of the waves crashing and children laughing I realized that my Swazi family and friends have probably never seen a beach unless they've been to South Africa. The beach is something that calms me to the core and takes all worries away. I began to wonder what their "beach" is in Bulembu. There is a beauty there that far surpasses anything I've seen anywhere. It's no just nature that makes it beautiful though; it's the feel of the wind against your skin and it's unique smell. As I took pictures at the beach to send to my family in Bulembu, I was hit by the fact that beauty is all around us...we're just too thick-headed to notice it most of the time. When I look around, I see people searching for beauty and trying to capture it in photographs and on video. True beauty can never be caught on film because it is meant to be enjoyed in person and in the moment. That's one thing Bulembu did for me: it taught me to take time to look around and see the amazing world that God created for me to live in. It's unique and beautiful and breathtaking when you just stop for a minute. Here's just a few photographed examples of how beautiful my beloved other home is:

I miss you beautiful Bulembu and I cannot wait until we reunite someday.

Our beloved Temba

Today has been such a good day! One of my best friends is in town and it was beautifully hot out. Overall, life is good! I just feel as though something is missing. A part of me is not at rest and is halfway around the world. I've been listening to a lot of music since being back to bring me back to Bulembu. Songs like "The More I Seek You" by Kari Jobe and "Forever Reign" by Hillsong. Listening to them today it brought me back one of my most treasured memory from Bulembu. We painted with a man named Temba. He was the sweetest man and we all fell in love with him. He was our Swazi overseer. He made sure we were doing the right things and the things right. Needless to say, over the 3 1/2 weeks we were painting, we came to adore this wonderful man and his sweet attempt to speak broken English. We were lucky to get a full sentence out of him and that was fine with us. Lots of hand gestures and pointing to brushes and paint colors. He would get so excited when we would greet him in SiSwati. He was excited that we wanted to learn his language. For about 7 or 8 of the days we painted, we brought my little ipod speakers and an ipod and listened to music loud so we could hear it all over the house. One of the most hilarious moments was the first day I brought it. I kept it pretty quiet because I wasn't sure if Temba and Sandile (a wonderful Christian worker that worked with us a few times) would approve of us listening to music while we worked. I put it on the window and got to work. A few minutes later I looked down and they are both standing a few feet away staring at it in utter confusion and fascination. If I could have taken a picture then, it probably would have been one of my favorites of the entire trip. I almost lost it right then. Instead, I kept myself together and came down the ladder and started talking to them. I showed them what it was and how it worked and told them they could touch it or change the song whenever they wanted. (I should probably mention that I only had Christian music on my ipod for the trip. I really felt God was calling me to give Him my full attention and that was one way to accomplish it.) Sandile played with the volume a few times, but otherwise they just walked by and would cast a glance to make sure it wasn't dancing or something. Sandile realized really quickly that the music coming out of it was all about God. His face lit up with a huge smile. He asked if I was a Christian which I answered excitedly! I asked him if he was and his grin got even bigger as he said yes and that he liked my music because it was about God. We were told before that not all of the workers in the town were Christian and to not expect it. It was excited to know that the first person we worked with was a Christian and that we shared Christ in common. Temba was more timid and through a conversation with our advisor said that he wasn't a Christian and wasn't sure about it all. He said he liked our music though and that we should bring it back. With both Sandile and Temba's approval, we brought back the music as often as the batteries would allow.
About 2 weeks in, we were starting to get repeats of some songs. We would obviously sing along if a familiar song came on and Temba would kind of watch us as he hummed his own tune. But by the latter end of the trip, he was humming along to our songs and even singing some of the words. It was amazing to hear him singing along to praise songs. When it happened, at least one of the girls painting would make it their high or God moment of the day.
Temba kept asking James, the head of construction/upkeep in town, if the "God people" were coming back and if he could work with us. Needless to say, we quickly had a reputation with the workers. It was amazing to see that someone who didn't share our beliefs wanted to be with us based on our beliefs. (He also said we worked really hard and that it was slightly unusual for people to do such a good job in such a short time.)
I don't know how Temba is feeling about God at this present moment, but I know what God is feeling for Temba. He longs for him and is pursuing him with a love that can't quenched and a fire that cannot be contained. We saw a progressive change in Temba over our weeks there and he is one of the most memorable parts of the trip for me and not simply because we saw him every day, but because I saw God actively pursuing him. There was a reason he was assigned to us and that we were given that particular job to do. God had a plan and we were at His disposal to used as He pleased. In my own mind and my own heart, He used us alright!

These two amazing men are in my prayers every day. But now I have a new prayer. That God would use me and my team in our respective lives at home to shine His light to the world around us. That people would see Christ in us even when we don't speak...sometimes all we need to do is sing. <3

"Oh, sing to the Lord a new song! For He has done marvelous things; His right hand and His holy arm have gained Him the victory. The Lord has made known His salvation; His righteousness He has revealed in the sight of the Gentilesnations. He has remembered His mercy and His faithfulness to the house of Israel; All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God. Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth; Break forth in song, rejoice, and sing praises. Sing to the Lord with the harp, With the harp and the sound of a psalm, With trumpets and the sound of a horn; Shout joyfully before the Lord, the King. Let the sea roar, and all its fullness, The world and those who dwell in it; Let the rivers clap their hands; Let the hills be joyful together before the Lord, For He is coming to judge the earth. With righteousness He shall judge the world, And the peoples with uprightnessequity."
Psalm 98

A note and a new mindset

As I'm sitting here on my back porch I'm absolutely amazed at the blessings God has bestowed on my life. I came back from Swaziland with a completely different mindset and I wasn't sure how to make it work with the mindset I have here. Well I'm finding out I can't have both mindsets. But according to one of the verses I prayed over this trip before I left (Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.") I shouldn't have the same mindset. My mind has truly been transformed by the incredible experience that God gave me to enjoy. My heart still hurts when I think of my family and friends from Bulembu because I truly ache to be with them again, but I know that God will give me the desires of my heart if I seek Him with my whole heart. I received an email yesterday from one of my wonderful friends in Bulembu, Mzwa. The minute I saw his name at the top of the email I burst into tears. Now I have to say, I'm not a crier. I'm really not. But leaving these people brought me back to the single most heartbreaking moment of my life - leaving my brothers when I moved from CA to MA. I'll never forget that moment just like I'll never forget saying goodbye to my family in Bulembu. But back to the email. The tears I shed were half sad and half happy. I was sad that I couldn't just see Mzwa in person but I was so happy he took the time to find a computer and send me the cutest email I've every received. This is what it said:

"Hi Dear! Nothing much forced me 2 draft this short missive 2 you, I just want 2 tell that you have a special place in my Heart & my mind where favorite memories & wishes 4 your happiness are tucked away. I will always remember you. I MISS YOU A LOT!!!!"

It's probably one of the simplest messages I've ever received, but it held a barrage of emotions in it's few words. One thing I learned there was that more words does not equal more meaning or more emotion. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say a few words and just leave the rest to God. I'm a talkative person, but I am learning how to hold my tongue in certain situations. This is one way in which my mindset has changed.

Another way in which my mindset has changed is in relation to money. The one and almost only stressor in my life is money. I'm always worried about it because usually I'm lacking it. This whole trip was a gift from God and one of the ways He showed me He wanted me to go was providing all of the funds for my trip. For those of you who gave funds to me and members of my team - thank you! You have no idea the stress you removed and the peace you gave. When I was there, I didn't have to worry about money. I converted about $200 to Rand which ended up being about R 1200. We didn't go anywhere until the end (except the bakery - that story is for a different time!) and money was not a part of my daily life like it is here. I knew coming back that I needed a car by August and probably a new laptop. Those are still very real things that are immediate necessities (let me know if you know anyone that could help with either!). When I got back from Swazi, I had no plan for the summer and heck, I still don't. But God has provided in some amazing ways. I came back to housesitting and a full-time work week in Admissions at Gordon. Then I started doing yardwork and babysitting for an amazing Christian family. God has provided me with some funds and amazing people to help me in my walk as I readjust here. I can't express to you the peace I feel. It's the moments I take things into my own hands or think that I can do everything that I fall apart and start hyperventilating. I keep reminding myself that God knows my anxieties about money and He also knows what I need and He will provide. I stand in His promises. I don't have the answers, but I have Him and He is giving me wonderful people and opportunities. I got to see my roommate and catch up with her. She's great and is more of a blessing than she knows in my life. =) One of my absolute best friends, Jordan, is coming up this weekend and I couldn't be more excited to see him!! And next week (depending on jury duty), I get to see two more amazing friends, Colleen and Elise, that know me so incredibly well. God knows I need people right now. I went from being surrounded by my team and Swazis to being pretty much alone (besides my mom and Bekah who have both been incredible and much needed). One song that I will never forget from my time in Bulembu is "It is well". They sang it and everything changed for me. Just try and say those words and imagine the pasts that those people have had. They make all of us look rich and entitled and when they sing that song because they mean the words and draw from their own experiences. So right now, sitting on my back porch, I say it is well with my soul. Whatever God has planned for my life - it is well with my soul.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

The riches of Your love will always be enough

Too tired to post anything that requires though so here's the thing that's been going through my mind all day with a slideshow of Bulembu:

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting

Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

My heart will sing
no other Name
Jesus, Jesus

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

-Forever Reign by Hillsong

Update about my family!

Also, heard an update from my family! They are doing well. My Auntie is being strong and comforting as usual. She's truly an amazing woman. The oldest boy, Nahti, is now starting to play the drums more in church. The oldest girl, Hlobile, danced in church and apparently did an incredible job! Not surprised, she's amazing!
God is raising up the next generation of leaders for Bulembu and I know that those two will be a key part of it.
Please pray for my family and their continued health, faith, and unconditional love for each other and others.

<3