Relationships

Relationships. This has been a topic that has been on my mind quite a bit over this last semester. As I begin to fade out of Gordon and a new stage in my life, I have been wondering who my lasting friends will be. Whose friend's weddings will I attend? Who will attend mine? Whose milestones will I take part in? Who will take part in mine? There are so many unanswerable questions about the future, but most of them are centered around relationships. When I say relationships, I don't simply mean the dating kind; I mean the different friendships in which I am a part of. Over this last semester I've been reading a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge (if you have not read it, I suggest you do; for guys, read Wild at Heart). This book has given me many insights into the minds of women and men alike. In this recent chapter, it talked about relationships and gave new life to what I perceive of relationships. My favorite line of the entire chapter is this: "When God gives a friend, He is entrusting us with the care of another's heart." How true this is! Think of the close friends in your life. Do you trust them with your heart? If you're anything like me, that can be difficult much of the time and I do not fully trust many people with my heart at all. The authors go onto say that there are different types of friendships. Christ had different types of friendships or "friend circles" when He was on earth. He had the 12 disciples, an inner circle of 3 (James, John, and Peter), and then His followers(acquaintances). We do not need to share everything about our lives with everyone we meet, but we are called to share pieces of ourselves with others. We are called to serve one another and offer our hearts to one another. John and Stasi say this of friendships:

     "Friendships need to be nurtured and guarded and fought for. We need to call one another without waiting to be called first. We need to ask how our friends are doing and really listen to their answers. Listen between the lines. We love our friends by pursuing them - calls, little presents, cards, invitations to play, to go for a walk, to go to a movie. We offer our hearts...We need to pay attention to each other, really see one another. That truly is the greatest gift."

That is such a beautiful description of what I believe friendships are made of. There does not need to be a monetary value attributed to it, simply a heartly value. This looks different for all different types of friendships. Some people may be blessed by small gifts, others may simply want your time, and still others may benefit from encouragement given in times of distress or need as well as in times of happiness. My favorite part of this quote from the books is the idea of nurturing a friendship by pursuing the friend. The idea of pursuing is such a beautiful picture. I wrote in a blog a while back about how I saw God pursuing a man we worked with in Bulembu - Temba. That was such a beautiful and touching situation to watch that I was amazed by how much God really loves us and wants to have a relationship with us. He longs to listen to us and talk to us through His Word. It's not one-sided by any means. Just as a friendship is most beautiful when both people are contributing with their whole hearts; when both care enough about each other to actually listen to what is being said.
For some people this type of relationship can be difficult to acquire and sustain. Our own fears of failure and disappointment linger in our minds and create seeds of doubts in all relationships. God has created us to be in relationships with one another, but our own fallen nature tries to prevent that from happening. We are most fearful and doubtful of others when alone - and not alone as in single, but alone as in isolated. To be in relationship with others requires a sense of vulnerability that scares many - including me. It requires giving and sharing a part of yourself with someone else. But in spite of all of that, it is still better than being isolated. C. S. Lewis says this in the Four Loves:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all dangers...of love is Hell."



"Yet, no matter how wonderful the taste of relational fullness you have, you will want more. If you have an amazing connection yesterday with someone, when you wake this morning, you will want it again. [Eve] possesses a bottomless well of longing. Jesus alone is the never-ending fount, which can slake her thirst. No other source, no other relationship will fully satisfy. God made us that way. On purpose."

While nurturing and pursuing relationships is a necessity, nurturing and pursuing your relationship with God is even more necessary. He is the friend who will always be there when you call. He will never leave you when you need Him and He is the one friend who will not disappoint you. He loves you with a never-ending love and He will never, ever, stop pursuing you. Trust in Him and in your relationship with Him. Relationships with others will follow after. <3